Day 12: Mourning Brokenness
of The Heart of God: Through David’s Eyes
Below is Day Twelve of the study, but there is an introduction to check out which gives context and sets the tone, and previous weeks to look at below. If you would like the full content all in one place, this book is now available for purchase on Amazon. Week 1 - He Longs for Us to Know Who We Are
Week 2 - He Longs for Us to Respond
Day 9: Extending Mercy
Day 10: Inviting Accountability
Day 11: Confessing Freely
Day 12: Mourning Brokenness
It is rare to see me indulging in watching a “chick-flick”-type romantic dramedy. If I do, it is likely a 90s classic I watched at a friend's house or a predictable Christmas-themed Hallmark-type movie. Even on these rare occasions where I sit down with a puzzle or assortment of snacks, you won’t see a box of kleenex nearby simply because: I am not a big crier. Well, I wasn’t a big crier up until a couple years ago.
When we decided to adopt children with high levels of early-childhood trauma who are genetically predisposed to chronic mental illness, we knew things would be difficult. The emotional roller coaster of mourning two of our kids needing the support of out-of-home care has been heartbreaking. Never have I experienced so many complex emotions or disruptive thoughts.
It is no longer rare to find me in a puddle of my own tears as we worship with our church community, in prayer, or simply as I deeply feel alongside my friends in the shadows and valleys of life. These dark corners, where the consequences of sin, brokenness, and human limits are devastatingly apparent, you will also find those who deeply mourn.
Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.” After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. (2 Samuel 12:13-17)
I have never lost a child that has died, so I do not want to even attempt to compare my life circumstances to David’s experience, but my turmoil allows me to relate to the anguish David is in as he pleads with God for his child. As I type these words, my breathing has become labored and my body weak. The deep pain that occurs in our lives is a vital piece of our grief.
David is grieving the result of his own circumstances. The death of his son is a direct consequence of his behavior, but rarely are we able to make these types of connections between our sin and our pain. What we must notice from this passage, though, is the despair that was shared among David’s staff. The elders of his household stayed with him, were willing to hold him and feed him, but David was too heartbroken.
Explain, in your own words, the core reason David was morning?
David pleads with God for his child who is ill. What circumstances have brought you to a similar place of grief or despair?
David, while mourning a lot of things, is feeling the weight of the effects of his sin. Jot down some of your sin issues that had a more extensive impact on aspects of your life (or the life of others) that you did not expect?
Are you intentional to mourn your sinful decisions? Why or why not?
Reflection
Becoming more aware of our sin and the unexpected ways they impact others allows us to see why God wants to protect us from experiencing these things. Write a note to your former self at a time you felt like you could never mend things that your sin destroyed. Reassure yourself that there are people who love you and care about how you feel.
Perhaps it would also be helpful to take some time to sit with God over the incredible, destructive impact of your sin today. Ask God to bring you into an awareness of your need for consequences and accountability.
An excerpt of The Heart of God: Through David’s Eyes by Jill Ng