Unveiling the Joy of Teaching

I felt an overwhelming gratitude wash over me like a cool wind on a hot summer day. It caught me off guard, but was a relief I did not realize I was craving. This gratitude quickly led me to relax my body, releasing the tension I was unaware I was holding. First my jaw unclenched, then my back naturally adjusted to the form of the creamy velvet seat.

To ensure I was understanding their words, I clarified my thought and gratitude to the others in the room. “Thank you for being direct with me about the impact of this class. I am incredibly grateful for our discussions. Guiding you through the origins of several denominations of Church history has rekindled my joy of teaching.  Maybe I should consider doing this more often.”

The positive affirmations which followed were uncomfortable, but also reassuring. A participant thanked me for sharing my heart and asked me to keep sharing and writing. A handful of others expressed comments about my inviting tone and thoughtful preparation.

After class, the encouragement continued. A CEO of his own company asked me for advice on how to care for those he was at odds with at work. He had realized that as we were discussing the dissent in the church, he realized he could approach the miscommunication in a more empathetic way. A caregiver asked me for thoughts on how to fight her shame since we had been discussing how to be aware of how our words impact others. She was able to realize that even though others felt shame, that didn’t mean she had been shaming them. Another participant thanked me for sharing my soul, and commented that he loved my soul. Unsure how to take it, I just accepted this compliment. In his words I realized, God is not the only one who delights in my obedience.

I never imagined all of this would be the result of me offering to a friend over coffee that I could lead a class to discuss an awesome book I was reading. My friend, who is the discipleship director at our church, quickly agreed it would be a good idea and set the class in motion.

Over the following weeks I developed the curriculum for the book discussions. The book led me to discover my deep longing to see a shift in the way people see each other - especially those within the church. I was filled with hope which was quickly followed by anxiety. As I considered the future demographic of those I would be guiding through the discussions I was hesitant to believe they would be able to see the incredible amount we can learn from other denominations, those who were very different from us.

Looking back at the concerns months later after receiving such positive feedback and seeing such incredible transformations that occurred, my anxieties are a distant memory. They seem so far removed from reality, because they are. My hope is all that is left. Due to the response and clarification of the impact of my perspective and guidance, this class has now led to another, I’ve been asked to teach at another study, and the doors are continuing to open in this area of my life.

My fears are no longer in the driver’s seat of my obedience to teach about the Bible. Driving into uncharted territory has given me confidence and affirmation, even though I had expected rejection. The journey of noticing God’s unconventional ways of intervening in my life has continued to surprise me, challenge me, and give me the courage to keep taking baby steps toward obedience.

There is relief in seeing my love of God, the Bible, and compassion for others being used together in guiding others toward God’s heart. I have felt the responsibility to use these gifts together, but felt unsure how to make anything happen. The realization that I needed only to listen to the Holy Spirit’s still small voice has brought me such comfort. God’s voice was what I needed to listen to all along. He has given me the courage to carry on.

I know He will continue to pave the way for me which allows me to continue to simply put one foot in front of the other. With each step, He reminds me to take a breath, be still, remain patient, and as He speaks I can choose to take the next step or leap.

May my baby steps towards embracing how God’s created me give you a similar courage to take a glimpse at how He’s created you. As you search His heart and notice your strengths, may He also give you clarity, supportive friends, and the gumption to step into something with open arms. When you are ready to see how He will display His power through you, may you draw near to Him and listen for His leading.

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A Little Bit Autistic